For Arthur

[guinevereofcamelot]

 [The morning after this smart decision.]

Guinevere woke with that disorientation one has after their first night in a new place. It only took a few moments of staring at the stone ceiling for her to remember where she was, making her stomach turn a nauseating backflip. A look to her right revealed what she had been promised by Merlin - her husband, sleeping, and hopefully none the wiser of the true events of the prior evening. 

She laid frozen, quiet, unsure of what to do. How would she convince him that a lie was the truth? She decided to leave him in peace for the moment, since he would likely be feeling unwell once he woke. She quietly slipped out of bed and into her shift and slippers before turning back toward the bed, where her husband lightly snored. She prayed that her maiden's blood staining the bedsheet would be enough proof for him. She went to the sideboard to pour him a cup of water. If he would let her, she wanted to take care of him. She had to push Merlin out of her mind, for she was not adept at lying, and she worried that somehow Arthur would see the truth in her eyes or on her face.

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[twicethecrown]

Arthur groaned and stirred a little, the night's festivities catching up with him a bit. He slowly opened his eyes, vaguely recalling being brought back to his chambers by Merlin. Merlin? Was he the one that brought him back? Right, the wedding. Guinevere. His wife. Their wedding was yesterday.

He turned to see her pouring a cup of water.

"Good morning," he greeted her as he shifted to sit up in bed.

For the most part, everyone would let them be, as newlyweds ought to get acquainted with each other. But the courts will want to see the maiden blood at some point.

[guinevereofcamelot]

The sound of his voice startled her, and she nearly dropped the cup. She hadn't expected him to wake so soon. She turned her head and, seeing him sitting up, smiled softly and carried the water to him.

"How are you feeling?" she asked. He looked pretty miserable, which wasn't unusual considering how much he'd had to drink. He wore no tunic - she thought it likely he wore nothing at all underneath the blankets. He would be, if they'd spent the night together. She was grateful for Merlin's attention to detail.

[twicethecrown]

He accepted the cup gracefully and looked down at it. Guinevere was...kind. Sweet. Any man would be happy to take her as his wife and he knew that she would make a wonderful queen for Camelot.

"Considering how much celebrating was had at the feast, I'm...managing."

He looked at her, then. He knew he was not in this bed last night. He knew that he hadn't fulfilled his husbandly duties last night. And yet here he was, in bed and naked cared for by his wife. The woman he had sworn in front of the entire kingdom to be his bride. Yet he knew that he was...elsewhere.

[guinevereofcamelot]

"Some food might help. Would you like me to send for some breakfast?"

She watched as he studied her, seeing what she interpreted as doubt in his eyes. Was he struggling to remember? Did he remember not being with her? She would never know if she did not ask him.

She sat down on the bed, next to his legs, forcing a familiarity that should exist but didn't yet.

"Do you remember last night? When we..." She trailed off, instead gesturing to the spot of blood beside him. She prayed he would say no, but that he would accept her word for it.

[twicethecrown]

He was about to answer her query if he wanted some breakfast when she asked about last night. Arthur looked over to the spot of blood in the sheets. Slowly, he shook his head.

"I'm...afraid I don't recall much of last night. Other than Merlin bringing me back."

Arthur couldn't recall their joining as husband and wife. Not remotely. Yet the evidence stained the sheets right there next to him and he was naked. His brows furrowed as he tried to recall. Merlin brought him back at some ungodly hour. Was...did he...Arthur brought his hands up to his face and groaned, trying to remember.

"My apologies, my Queen. I do not recall much of anything last night."

[guinevereofcamelot]

She nodded and looked down at her hands to see her fingers anxiously clamped together. She stretched them and exhaled, letting her shoulders relax.

"It's alright. I... I understand." She knew he didn't love her. Now she also knew that he was incapable of lying with a woman he did not love, which she found admirable and in line with what she knew of his personality.

"What if I agree to forget it too?" Oh how she wished she could, but didn't she owe it to the kingdom to try and make her marriage work? For better or for worse, she had to try to put aside what she was beginning to feel for Merlin, and let Arthur into her heart. Otherwise she might be happy - as much as she could be, having a secret affair with Arthur's closest advisor - but she would always wonder what could have been if she'd given it a chance.

"Yesterday and last night, they were about Camelot." She lifted her head again and held out her hand. Whatever he had done the night before, she forgave him. It was the only way to move forward.

"Can we make today about us?"

[twicethecrown]

"About us."

Arthur looked at her hand and settled on it for a moment before taking it and kissing the back of it. Could he grow to love Guinevere? After all, this had been arranged for them for the good of Albion. And Camelot would be looking to them to guide so he should...perhaps...try.

"Let's send for breakfast, then. I'm sure you're exhausted from last night."

[guinevereofcamelot]

She was so jittery with nervousness that she didn't even feel the exhaustion. It would catch up with her later, once she felt certain the danger had passed. She squeezed his hand before letting it go to poke her head out the door and ask the guard to send for breakfast. She didn't know what Arthur likes, so she simply ordered his favorite, with the same for her. It would be the first thing she would learn about him today.

She returned to the bed, this time climbing up to sit beside him. She could scarcely look at the bed without remembering Merlin, the pleasure he'd brought her, the way he'd felt inside her. She bit the inside of her lip and forced herself to push those thoughts from her mind. She crossed her legs underneath her and situated herself facing him.

"May I speak frankly?"

[twicethecrown]

"Of course, Guinevere. Especially since it's just the two of us here for a while."

The guards wouldn't be listening. Everyone was letting them be. He knows that the court will want to see the evidence the following morning. They could have investigated the sheets this day but perhaps it was Merlin's help that kept them at bay.

Arthur scooted on the bed to make room for Guinevere to sit comfortable on the bed.

[guinevereofcamelot]

Her brow furrowed slightly as he shifted away from her. She took a deep breath before speaking. She was about to tread on shaky ground, that which would make her a hypocrite.

"You and I, we are husband and wife but also barely more than strangers. You do not love me, nor do I love you." These were facts. Harsh ones, but undeniable.

"If we are ever to grow closer, I believe we must be completely open and honest with one another. I may be a lady, but I am not made of glass. You can be honest with me - I will not break. I am the daughter of a warrior, and he raised me to be strong as well as kind." She again reached for his hand, this time with a small smile on her lips. She is naturally affectionate, a part of her compassionate disposition. If he would allow it, she would always be on his arm or holding his hand.

"If I do not know what you are thinking, then I won't know to tell you when you're wrong." She hoped that would get a smile from him despite his hangover.

[twicethecrown]

He's surprised at how to the point she was and how honest she was with him. Arthur watched in fascination. He gave a soft laugh at that and ran a hand through his blond locks, the hangover beginning to subside from him.

"I told Merlin that this was an advantageous marriage. The people need a strong and gentle queen to lead them beside me. You're very clever, Guinevere. That will be important in this marriage."

He glanced down at the reddish spot on the bed, frowning a little.

"I...truly do not remember how I got back to my chambers last night. Other than seeing Merlin. I had been swept up in the celebration with other members of my knights and of the court. I didn't think I'd make it back here to--"

He gestured at the bed.

[guinevereofcamelot]

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. There she was talking about honesty, and she needed to lie. She prayed he would believe her as she struggled for the right words.

"Nor did I. It was late... I was nearly asleep." She was starting to feel sick to her stomach. Lying went against every instinct she had. She could scarcely look at him.

"I was helping remove your clothes when..." How specific did she have to be? Surely he understood the mechanics of what was supposed to have happened. And even if it had really happened, she would have difficulty describing it in words. Her cheeks flushed a deep red.

"You were very gentle." Perhaps that would reassure him that he hadn't manhandled her in a drunken stupor. Even if he had, she wouldn't tell him so or complain about it. She was too kind for that. Would he like to hear that it was over quickly? She wasn't sure.

"Please, do not dwell on it. There's no such thing as a perfect wedding night. It's awkward and uncomfortable and thankfully, only happens once. Now we can move on. We have a lifetime of nights ahead of us to make memorable."

[twicethecrown]

He relaxed a little when she tells him that he was gentle. He had heard stories of a woman's first night being potentially rough on them and pain that they had to endure.

"Indeed, we truly do."

Arthur looked up when the door knocked upon. He held a hand out to her.

"Rest. I'll get it."

He got up and quickly grabbed his trousers to make himself decent before answering the door. He thanked the servant and sent them on their way before making his way back over to the table and setting down their breakfasts.

[guinevereofcamelot]

When the door opened, Guinevere saw a whole gaggle of servants wanting to come in, likely to change the sheets and gather their discarded clothes, thus being the first to know how the prior night had gone. The looks on their faces when Arthur closed the door on them nearly made her laugh out loud. They were the very image of disappointment.

He'd told her to rest, so instead of joining him at the table she stayed put, gathering the pillows together for them to lean against.

"I wasn't sure what you'd want, so I told them to send you favorite."

[twicethecrown]

He brought a tray of things to eat over to her on the bed, something simple for both of them to share and eat as they got to know each other.

"I think the servants are more than excited to try and see what we were up to. I swear the entire castle's people were at the door when breakfast was brought up," he laughed softly.

He picked up a piece of bread and offered it to her. There was pork belly and eggs on the plate as well, something that he enjoyed at breakfast, especially before a hearty day of training.

"Perhaps...we could go on the tour of the kingdom. Get you familiar with the people and the lay of the land."

[guinevereofcamelot]

She smiled and nodded. She'd even seen one of her ladies among the crowd. The bread was warm and she took it from him with a soft 'thank you'. She still felt fairly sick, and wasn't sure she could manage more than bread.

"A tour?" She liked the sound of that. The people would get the opportunity to meet their new queen, and as he said, she could learn the kingdom. And they would get away from the castle and everyone's expectations and... maybe even Merlin?

"Just us?"

[twicethecrown]

"Well, more than likely it'll be us, Merlin, and probably Bors. I can only defend you so much. Besides, the people love seeing them whenever we go out," Arthur chuckled.

He took a bite of bread as well.

"And even one of your ladies if you'd like. It will give you a chance to get familiar with speaking with the knights, your ladies, and Merlin as well. Though I think you both had a lot of things to talk about when you were on our way here. He's a great conversationalist, isn't he?"

[guinevereofcamelot]

Of course. Arthur never went anywhere without Merlin. How strange would it be, to be affectionate with Arthur, hold his hand or touch his cheek, with Merlin looking on? The small bite of bread she'd taken was suddenly hard to swallow.

"That sounds lovely. I'm sure my cousin would love to come along." It was normal for some of her ladies to be family. Guinevere's marriage could lead to an advantageous one for her as well, and traveling would present many opportunities to introduce her to potential matches.

She found her mouth dry when the subject of Merlin arose. Had the servant not brought any tea? She nodded and broke the piece of bread in her hands into even smaller pieces.

"He is, though he did most of the talking. I was only asking questions." About Arthur and Camelot, mostly. Trying to learn as much as she could about the man she would soon marry.

"Tell me again how he came to be a member of your court?"

[twicethecrown]

"He was my tutor. I swear he hasn't aged more than a day. But I see him as more of a tutor rather than some doddering old man that taught law and morality," Arthur laughed, picking up a bit of cheese. "Since revealing my true claim to the throne of Camelot, he had been the most dear friend and advisor. It seems so strange that someone who doesn't seem that old is so wise. I wonder if it's from all of his travels in his youth."

He glanced down at her hands and his joy faded a little.

"Is something the matter? Was he inappropriate on your journey?"

[guinevereofcamelot]

Merlin was hardly an old man, at least appearance-wise. She vividly recalled how perfect his body had looked and felt. She looked up at his question and vigorously shook her head.

"No! No, not at all. I'm just..." For the life of her, she had no idea what to say. She grasped for something, anything, that would seem plausible.

"Just thirsty." Even though that fact was not relevant, it was at least true.